Boob Identity Crisis

Ever since I scheduled my surgery, I find myself having odd thoughts, like, "This will be the last winter I have nipples," and, "My upcoming trip to Florida will be my last vacation with real boobs."  Weird, right?  I've also been browsing maxi dresses online because I'm going to Florida in March for my little brother's wedding, and I need some cute stuff to wear.  I've recently become obsessed with maxi dresses, but that's really not my point.  Anyway.  So I'm looking at maxi dresses and realizing that I probably shouldn't buy any because right now, with my DDs, I need a size Large.  But after my surgery and fills and everything, clothes are going to fit so differently.  I mean, I'm going from a DD to almost totally flat, and then two weeks later I can start getting fills, but it will be at least 6 weeks before I'm at the size I think I want to be, which is a large B.  I've been top heavy all my life and I'm over it.  I'm excited to see what my new body will look like, but it freaks me out a little when I think about how I have no idea how my clothes will fit.  It's going to take a lot of getting used to.  This is going to be my frumpy summer where nothing quite fits right, I think!

Good Friends With Good Taste!

Today I got a wonderful surprise in the mail.  A friend of mine, who doesn't live close, mailed me a beautiful Origami Owl necklace in a show of support for my upcoming surgery.  As I've mentioned before, I'm not getting a lot of support from my family members and a lot of people think I'm being extremist.  I have a fabulous group of friends who do love me and support me, and it means so much when they do things like this to show their support.  I am so grateful for friends like her.

Check out my awesome necklace!  She put a cupcake in there for me since I have a cake business out of my house.

Surgery Date!

Exciting news!  I have been talking to both my breast surgeon and my plastic surgeon and we've scheduled a surgery date!  They both walked me through the whole process of what happens before and after so I feel like I have a good handle on the plan.  That's very important for me because I'm a bit of a control freak!

The first step is the paperwork, which I'll get in the mail in April.  Then I have to go do some physical exams and blood work and that type of pre-op stuff.  Maybe even an EKG since I have a heart murmur that I've had since birth.  Once that is all done, I'll have an appointment at my breast surgeon's office and they'll give me a rundown of how surgery day is going to go and answer any questions.  Then I have the surgery on May 30!  That's a tentative date because its too far out to know whether either doctor will be on vacation then or whatever, but that's my date unless something changes in the schedule.  I'm psyched and terrified!

I know I'll be in the hospital for a day or two, which sucks.  Then after that I can go home, and I'll have drains in my armpits.  Dr. C, my plastic surgeon, told me that he will remove my drains after about a week.  Then about 2 weeks post op, he can start filling my tissue expanders.  So for about two weeks I am going to be almost totally flat chested.  Right now I'm a DD so that's going to be a shock for me!  I'll get fills every week for 6-8 weeks, maybe longer, depending on what size breasts I feel comfortable with.  As of now, I am aiming for a large B or a small C.  I've been large chested all my life and it's not nearly as much fun as it might sound.

After all my fills are done and I'm happy with my size, I have to leave the expanders in for another 2 months or so, so they can effectively stretch my skin.  Then I'll schedule my swap surgery for the fall sometime, and that will be an outpatient procedure where I just have the expanders taken out and my implants go in.

The best part of all this is, I won't have to have another mammogram for the rest of my life, and I won't need an MRI unless they find something concerning.  I've never had surgery before, so this is all pretty terrifying for me.  But I know its the right decision.  I know its the best thing to do, for myself and for my children.  And I know it will be a huge relief when its all over and done with.

Now I just have to be brave enough to tell the world (and my family!) what I'm about to do.  Very few people are supportive of this endeavor, so I have to brace myself...

No support...

This is the kind of story that needs to be promoted more.  Read the comments.  We get no support from the general public.  People are so ignorant with their incorrect opinions.  Of course I had to add my own comment :)  The Stir - Cafe Mom

Gynecologic Oncologist (Say That Three Times Fast!)

I'm waaaaay behind in posting this, but since nobody reads it, it's fine!  :)

I finally found a lady parts doctor that I like.  Well, I don't really like HIM, but I like how he took me seriously and came up with an aggressive plan.  He's actually kind of a mess.  His office is stacked full of piles of files, which is a little scary, and his waiting room is ornate and full of Faberge eggs and old, tacky furniture, and classical music.  Plus I had to wait like an hour before he even saw me, and I ended up being late for psychology class.  But anyway.

So, here is the plan:  Every six months I get an internal uterine ultrasound (woohoo) and every year I get a CA-125 blood test.  That's a cancer marker test.  It checks the levels of blood cells to see if there is anything abnormal which could signal early cancer.  Its something they usually do for cancer patients in the five year span following treatment.  I also get to enjoy his messy, cluttered, Faberge egg covered office every six months.

He also didn't try to pressure me into having my ovaries removed, or try to scare the hell out of me with horror stories and negative opinions.  He was very cut and dry, straighforward, just how I like my doctors.  Give me the facts and let me deal with the emotional parts myself, thanks.

I have already had my blood test, and never heard anything back so that means I don't have cancer I guess (hooray!).  I'm going to get the ultrasound done next month, at the same time as my MRI.  So that will be a fun-filled day full of prodding and banging noises.  Can't wait.  Oh well, at least I'm super excited to have a solid plan in place finally.

I Ran a 5K!

Over the summer, I decided I'd like to start running.  So I bought a treadmill on Craigslist and downloaded the Couch to 5K app for my phone and got started.  I never thought I'd actually get to a 5k though.  I'm not athletic and I never have been, and I usually don't finish things like this when I start them.  But, against all the odds, I finished this race.  I signed up and ran a 5k at the Susan G. Komen Race For The Cure in Hunt Valley, Maryland.  My time was 41 minutes and 38 seconds and my fastest mile was about a 12 minute mile, according to my Nike Run app.  That's actually the fastest I've ever ran.  I know that's not super impressive time, but I'm happy with it.  Honestly, I'm just happy I finished because ultimately, that was my goal.  Anyway, here are some pictures:

The front of my shirt:

The back of my shirt: 

The finish line:

Me, afterwards:

BRCA In the Media

I just read this article, and it sounds like me, so I wanted to share.  I'm so happy to read things like this in mainstream media to get the word out.  People don't understand what it's like to live with that 87% hanging over your head.  That's a very real number, and when I stop and think about what it means, it terrifies me.  This isn't a joke or a ploy for attention.  It's very real.  This is a great article, please take the time to read it.