This is stressful!

Surgery is only days away. I'm absolutely terrified. I can't sleep. I'm stress eating. Diet is totally out the window. I feel nauseous pretty much every second of every day. I've even thrown up a couple times. This is not good. I know I need to chill. I'm trying. I have generalized anxiety disorder to begin with. Obviously this stress is not helping!

I've scheduled a massage for tonight, and I've been taking bubble baths every night and I started a new book. Unfortunately none of that is particularly distracting so far. I keep telling myself I'll be fine, and I just have to get through the next day and a half and the worrying part will be over. Deep breaths. Omg. 

Sadly, the worst thing I have to report is the disappearance of some of my friends and family. I don't know where they have gone, but certain friends and family members have been the opposite of supportive. It's kind of eye opening really. You truly do find out who cares when you're in a scary situation and half of your support system vanishes on you. Some of these people are close to me, or so I thought. Some of these people are friends that I have gone out of my way to help, or make them feel important, on more than one occasion. Some of these people are family members that I have depended on my whole life. I'm really shocked and saddened by the lack of concern from these people.  I've decided not to say anything to them, but its hard. I don't hold my tongue that easily and I really want to call them out on it. But I'm going to be the bigger person. Even though I don't want to. 

But anyway. Tomorrow night I pick my mom up from the airport. Thursday morning, I have to drop my daughters off at my friend's house so she can watch them, and I have to be at the hospital at 8 am. I'm just struggling to find the courage to get through the next two days. 

I think I can, I think I can....