First fill!

Today I had my first fill. I was so nervous! It was really nothing though. The PA put this little magnet thing on my chest and pushed down to make a mark on my skin. Then she inserted a needle and filled me up!  I felt a little pinch when the needle went through the muscle on the left side but I didn't feel a thing on the right. She also drained some of my seroma while she had the needle in there. I got 50ccs in each side. She said I'll get at least 300ccs total in each side but probably more like 400-450 to be a large B cup. I'll probably ask to see the implants when we get closer to being done with the fills. 

After she was done, I noticed my incisions aren't as puckered as they had been and the skin is stretched out some. My muscles were a little sore this afternoon but nothing major. All in all it was pretty easy and quick. 

She told me to keep wearing compression bras for a little longer and then I can go buy a new bra. Hahaha!  Crazy lady. What bra?  These babies don't even move, why the hell would I need a bra?  I can't wait to go braless!

Here, a before and after from this morning and this afternoon. 

Prep Work

Now that I've done the hardest parts of my journey, I thought it would be helpful to make a list of the things I found useful for recovery.  I love my lists, as anyone who knows me knows very well!  So here goes...

- Button up shirts.  You will not be able to get into a normal shirt for at least a few days.  You can't reach above your head until the drains are out.  So button up shirts are really important if you want to wear clothes!  I bought a bunch at Goodwill.  Make sure they're baggy, because you'll be smuggling drains around underneath it!

- A recliner.  I rented one from Rent-a-Center for three weeks, and I stopped sleeping in it about 2 weeks out from surgery.  But it was really useful for me to sleep in.  I recommend an electric one that you can gradually get up from.  Moving is hard for the first week or so.

- Comfort food.  Either make it ahead or make sure someone can cook for you.  You'll feel like crap and comfort food like lasagna made me feel better :)

- Straws.  As a mom of little kids, I have plenty on hand.  They were very useful because for a while there I couldn't tip my cup back so straws were super helpful.

- Lots of pillows.  I think this speaks for itself.

- Sports bras that clasp or zip in the front.  Sometimes you're going to have to wash that lovely binder they give you in the hospital, and they only give you one.  I bought some Hanes front clasp sports bras at Walmart for like $6 each and I love them.  They were great for when my binder was washing, and now that I'm not wearing my binder anymore I wear those every day since I still need the compression.

- A lanyard.  You'll want to shower, and you have to hang your drains on something.

- Q-tips, gauze pads, alcohol pads, and peroxide.  You'll need all of this for drain care.  The hospital provided some of this but we needed more.

- A sprayer.  Whether in your sink or your shower, you'll want a sprayer so someone can wash your hair.

- Loose pants that you can pull on easily.  You'll be shocked at how weak your arms are.  Buttoning jeans is still a small feat for me almost 3 weeks out.  You want pajama pants that are comfy and easy to slide up and down, unless you want company every time you have to use the potty :)

- Stuff to do.  I had computer games, Netflix, and crocheting to keep me occupied.  I got sucked in to watching Lost.  I was so bored.  I'm very active normally so it was really hard for me to be so bored.

I hope this helps someone.  These are my essentials for a mastectomy.  I've read that some people liked having robes or slippers or other stuff like that.  I had those things and never used them.  Soon I'm going to make a list of all the new "equipment" you'll be attached to when you come home, so stay tuned!

17 days post op

I feel really quite normal now. I'm still limited in what I can do and I get tired easily still. I can't cook and I'm certainly not running any 5ks any time soon. I can struggle my way into a normal shirt and shave my legs now though. A trip to Walmart wears me out and I can't push the shopping cart. I still have to wear sports bras constantly and I struggle through washing my hair or getting up off the floor if I sit down. I've moved from the recliner to the sofa and that's pretty comfortable for now. I like sleeping on my side with my back pushed up against the back of the sofa for support. My swelling has mostly subsided so I'm feeling a lot more comfortable.  I do feel bruised at my drain sites, and I can feel my expanders, which move a little when I turn certain ways. I think that's preventing me from moving like I should because I hate feeling them move. It's really gross. I'm still really liking being flat chested though. I go for my first fill in two days so hopefully I'll like that too. I'm pretty terrified of the giant syringe they're using though. I'll try and take a picture of it to post. It's horrifying!  I'm also very much not a fan of needles, so it could just be a personal issue for me! :)

Anyway, here's a picture I took this morning. It took way too long to squirm my way into that top and struggle with the buttons on my jeans but it was worth it to look like a normal human being!

Man boobs for me!

Yup. I have man boobs now. I've swollen so much under my arms that I now have weird man boobs. It doesn't hurt but it is annoying to have my arm rub against it constantly, especially since I have no feeling in the swollen part. 

The good thing is, I know it will go away. Patience, patience. Ugh. In the meantime I learned that its called seroma and its swelling and fluid buildup because I have extra skin where my expanders are. Basically it's empty space that my body decides to fill up with fluid. Yay. Dr. C can drain the fluid but I think I'll just let my body reabsorb it naturally. I'm not a huge fan of too many medical interventions if they're not necessary. I did find a massage technique called lymphatic massage that I think is helping. I found YouTube videos that demonstrate how to do it to yourself. You're basically massaging your armpit. Fun stuff. But my swelling goes down when I do it so I think it's working. I'll keep at it and hopefully the swelling will just stop altogether soon!

Drains are out, and some other fun stuff...

Two days ago I got my drains taken out, finally! I was pretty freaked out about it because I find the concept of drains extremely disgusting. But it really was quick and easy and painless. I had this chart I had been documenting my daily drainage on, and I had to be around 30-40mL a day in each side for two days before they would take them out. The PA took them out. She snipped the stitches and then told me I'd feel a tug, which is a pretty accurate description. Then I felt the tubing inside my body sliding out. It was so bizarre. It actually felt like someone was running their finger along my skin. It felt like it was outside rather than inside. After she took out the drains she said that she could do a fill. But I took one look at those giant syringes and chickened out. Plus, she said I would swell after the drain removal so I figured it would be better to just tackle one problem at a time. I scheduled my first fill for next Friday. 

After that appointment, I went downstairs for my appointment with Dr. F. He said that my chest might look scary right now but that its going to look fantastic when its done. I had plenty of skin to spare in the boob area lol!  My boobs kind of look like puckered mouths. Like they just ate lemons. There's a lot of extra skin and it all folds and puckers towards the incision sites. I told my mom they look grouchy. Anyway, back to the appointment. Dr. F made me put my arms above my head.  That was the first time since surgery and I was scared it would hurt but it didn't. I actually don't have any pain at all anymore. My arms feel weak and its hard to stretch the muscles but my exercises will have me back to normal soon I think. He told me to go ahead and start my phase two exercises and to start trying to ease back into normal life some, but not to push myself. He also told me that based on my pathology report and what he saw during surgery, he estimates my breast cancer risk to be around 1%!  That's amazing news!  From 87% to 1% is absolutely amazing. I'm so happy that I made this choice. 

One other thing I want to mention is swelling. Prior to surgery nobody ever mentioned swelling to me. I was not aware of this. It's awful and uncomfortable. I have huge lumps under my armpits and the fronts of my boobs. The swelling is so bad on the right that my expander is poking out weird and really bugging me. I'm not in pain, it's just annoying. Plus when I put on clothes I look like I have man boobs with all the underarm swelling!  The worst part is that there's nothing I can do about it. I can't use a heating pad because I have no feeling in large patches of my chest so I can't feel if its too hot. And massage isn't helping. Dr. C's PA told me that I can take ibuprofen for swelling and that I should keep a tight sports bra on all the time, and that too much activity can cause extra swelling. She also said that if my body doesn't start to reabsorb the fluid they can drain it with a needle at my next appointment. So I'm hoping my body starts to cooperate and absorb this fluid already!  

The upside to all of this is my recovery. Last night I took my first normal shower. I was able to face the water and I didn't have to have a lanyard with drains hanging around my neck. I even washed my own hair for the first time!  The whole thing was very exciting. I've always enjoyed my hot showers and I've missed them. It was really nice to be able to feel normal again. One weird thing I'll mention is that I could feel the water hitting my expanders and it was strange. I can't feel the skin directly above the expanders at all so it was odd to know water was hitting there and I couldn't feel it. I know I've lost some feeling forever but I hope some of it comes back, especially under my armpits. I'm sure I'll get used to it quickly if the feeling doesn't come back, but it would be nice :)

Other than all that, there's nothing new to report. I'm feeling good and recovering quickly. I hate not being totally independent yet but I'm getting there little by little. For only 12 days post op I think I'm doing excellent!  

What 100ccs looks like

Since I'm about to start getting fills next week I figured I'd document what I look like at each step. Right now I'm kind of swollen on the sides under my armpits but other than that you can get a pretty good idea of what I look like with 100ccs in each side. Dr. C put in 100ccs during surgery and I haven't had a fill yet. I'm probably going to have 50ccs in each side next time and I'll post pics then too!

Post mastectomy, day 8

Well here I am, 8 days after my mastectomy. I'm feeling pretty decent. I'm still slow moving, and I still have a lot of physical limitations. I can lift my arms to shoulder height in the front, and nearly that high out to the sides. I'm doing ten reps of exercises three times a day now. I'm able to open the fridge and reach in for something at medium height that doesn't weigh too much. I can brush my hair and put it in low pigtails, which looks ridiculous at my age I'm sure!  I can fold a few articles of clothing before I get tired and I can dress myself. It takes time but I get it done. Today I even managed to pull a very loose tank top over my head and get my arms through!  That's the first time since surgery that I've worn a top without buttons. I still can't shave under my arms, because I can't reach. It's so gross. I also can't wash my own hair. I think that early next week I'll be able to do both of these things though. 

Pain wise, I feel really good. I haven't taken any Tylenol in more than 24 hours and I feel pretty comfortable. My biggest complaint is actually that my back is killing me, right in between my shoulder blades. I'm attributing that to the recliner that I'm still sleeping in every night. I tried to sleep in my bed one night but only made it until 4 am before I was back in the recliner. I feel like I need to be propped up a lot to be comfortable and I just can't get that same angle in the bed. The recliner doesn't have much back support though, so that's not helping things. 

My swelling is going down and my incisions are almost all the way healed. I only still have sutures at the ends of the incisions. My drain incisions are super annoying. They itch and the tubing cuts into my sides where my right sports bra holds them against my skin. I cannot wait until they come out!  I've gotten over the grossness but I'm still not taking care of them myself. My mom went back to Florida last night so my husband has had to take over drain care. 

My other major annoyance is the tissue expanders. They hurt. I can feel the edges of them under my skin and they push against my sternum. It's uncomfortable when I'm trying to sleep and it restricts me from taking deep breaths. I hope they become less noticeable as the get filled!

I guess that's all there is to report right now. I'm trying to document everything as accurately as possible. Before my mastectomy I read a ton of blogs just like this and found all the info extremely helpful, and I want to be able to do the same for others. I've been taking pictures of my chest for before, during and after shots of my journey but I haven't decided whether to share them or not. If anyone is reading this and you're contemplating a mastectomy and you want to see my progress, please feel free to reach out to me. I think I'd be more comfortable sharing on a personal basis.