What 100ccs looks like

Since I'm about to start getting fills next week I figured I'd document what I look like at each step. Right now I'm kind of swollen on the sides under my armpits but other than that you can get a pretty good idea of what I look like with 100ccs in each side. Dr. C put in 100ccs during surgery and I haven't had a fill yet. I'm probably going to have 50ccs in each side next time and I'll post pics then too!

Post mastectomy, day 8

Well here I am, 8 days after my mastectomy. I'm feeling pretty decent. I'm still slow moving, and I still have a lot of physical limitations. I can lift my arms to shoulder height in the front, and nearly that high out to the sides. I'm doing ten reps of exercises three times a day now. I'm able to open the fridge and reach in for something at medium height that doesn't weigh too much. I can brush my hair and put it in low pigtails, which looks ridiculous at my age I'm sure!  I can fold a few articles of clothing before I get tired and I can dress myself. It takes time but I get it done. Today I even managed to pull a very loose tank top over my head and get my arms through!  That's the first time since surgery that I've worn a top without buttons. I still can't shave under my arms, because I can't reach. It's so gross. I also can't wash my own hair. I think that early next week I'll be able to do both of these things though. 

Pain wise, I feel really good. I haven't taken any Tylenol in more than 24 hours and I feel pretty comfortable. My biggest complaint is actually that my back is killing me, right in between my shoulder blades. I'm attributing that to the recliner that I'm still sleeping in every night. I tried to sleep in my bed one night but only made it until 4 am before I was back in the recliner. I feel like I need to be propped up a lot to be comfortable and I just can't get that same angle in the bed. The recliner doesn't have much back support though, so that's not helping things. 

My swelling is going down and my incisions are almost all the way healed. I only still have sutures at the ends of the incisions. My drain incisions are super annoying. They itch and the tubing cuts into my sides where my right sports bra holds them against my skin. I cannot wait until they come out!  I've gotten over the grossness but I'm still not taking care of them myself. My mom went back to Florida last night so my husband has had to take over drain care. 

My other major annoyance is the tissue expanders. They hurt. I can feel the edges of them under my skin and they push against my sternum. It's uncomfortable when I'm trying to sleep and it restricts me from taking deep breaths. I hope they become less noticeable as the get filled!

I guess that's all there is to report right now. I'm trying to document everything as accurately as possible. Before my mastectomy I read a ton of blogs just like this and found all the info extremely helpful, and I want to be able to do the same for others. I've been taking pictures of my chest for before, during and after shots of my journey but I haven't decided whether to share them or not. If anyone is reading this and you're contemplating a mastectomy and you want to see my progress, please feel free to reach out to me. I think I'd be more comfortable sharing on a personal basis. 

A note about breast size...

Before surgery, I was a DD. Dr. C put 100ccs of fluid in each of my expanded during surgery. So, I'm pretty flat chested, and I have to say that I kind of like it!  I'm definitely not missing my DDs right now!

My First Mastectomy Post Op Appointment

Well today I had my first appointment at Dr. C's office. It did not go my way, unfortunately. I was really hoping to get the drains out but the PA, who I'm not particularly fond of, said I still have too much drainage. So I have to spend another weekend with drains. I'm hoping they can come out on Monday, and a friend has offered to take me to the office if I can get them out. That will be a huge relief!  The PA did take out my pain pump, which had been empty for two days and I was thoroughly tired of carrying around!  I didn't even feel it come out, and I was surprised that it was done so quickly. Hopefully the drains are similar. The PA also told me that my incisions look excellent and I'm healing nicely. So at least there's some good news amid my disappointing appointment. 

Just an interesting side note. When we were leaving the hospital we got in the elevator with another woman leaving the breast center. She told me that she loves my pink hair. Then she said, "But pink has become my favorite color ever since I got this cancer diagnosis!  Am I right?!"  She thought I had breast cancer. Weird. I mean, I know why she thought it. It just made me feel weird. It feels wrong to let people think I have or had cancer but I also don't want to run around explaining my life story to everyone I meet. I guess I'll figure out what to say with experience :)

Also, here's a peek at my pink hair, which I did two weeks ago, back when my arms still worked lol!

Pathology report

Dr. F just called to inform me that my pathology report came back. The tissue was benign, fibrous tissue with no lymph nodes. In other words, no sign of impending cancer!  It's pretty much what I expected but its still nice to hear it. I have to admit I was a little worried they might find precancerous cells or something. So today is a pretty good day :)

Small Victories!

Here are the things I did today:

Went to a fast food restaurant and sat in the chair for half an hour. Granted, my mom had to guide me and help me in and out of the chair, order my food, carry it to the table, and open it all for me. I was able to put my straw in my cup though. I was pretty proud of that. 

I changed the radio station from the passenger seat of my car. Using my foot. 

I did not almost pass out when my mom emptied my drains. 

I sat in a chair on my front porch for a half hour before having to retreat back to my recliner. 

I got myself a piece of cheesecake from the fridge. The paper plates are low and within reach and the cheesecake was high enough in the fridge that I didn't have to bend much. 

I shaved my legs. I had to sit in the bathtub to do it, and I missed a whole bunch of spots because I'm not very flexible. But it's an improvement. 

I climbed into my bed and sat. I was unable to rearrange the pillows to make myself comfortable though. I was also unable to get out of the bed, so my mom had to roll me out. 

Things I tried and could not do today:

Pluck my bushy overgrown eyebrows. I tried. But I can't reach!

Wash and brush my hair. I had another harrowing shampoo job in my kitchen sink while my mom squirted water into my eyes and down my shirt :)

Take off my binder. It keeps all my muscles compressed. When it comes off it hurts. So I try to avoid that. I know my mom needs to look at my incisions but I'm a wuss. 

Ride comfortably in the car. The bumping along and braking and accelerating is really not my friend right now. 

I think that list sums it up pretty good. I'm moving around decently. I'm not on pain meds. Just Tylenol twice a day on average. I'm keeping up with my arm and chest exercises really well and I'm definitely seeing improvement. I actually had a period today with no pain or discomfort at all and that was quite nice. Tonight I'm going to try and sleep in my bed for the first time. I've been sleeping in a recliner in my living room all week and its starting to hurt my back. I hope I can roll out of bed in the morning!

Post op!

Well here I am, four days post op. I'm not gonna lie, it was scary. I only slept about three hours the night before. I packed a bag with a robe, some button up pajamas, socks, a toothbrush and a brush. Really that was all I needed. I had to stop eating and drinking at midnight the night before so I was starving and desperate for coffee. At 7:15 my mom and I dropped off my kids with my friend. She watched them both days I was at the hospital. My daughters are 3 and 4. That was hard on me. I cried when I left them. I've never been away from them that long before, and they thought I was just going to a doctor appointment. I didn't want to tell them I was at the hospital because that would scare them. I told them later, but I'll get to that. 

When we got to the hospital, we parked in the garage and headed inside. We had to get stickers at the information desk and then we went up the elevator to the fifth floor. We met my husband and father there. We all sat down and a patient advocate came and introduced herself and told us what was going to happen and what they would be doing while I was in surgery. They had a code name for each patient, which was the first letters of your first and last name plus your birthday. On a tv screen, each patient code name was listed and color coded with a key that said where the patient was (pre op, OR, post op, etc). It was very cool. After a few minutes a nurse came and got me. She weighed me and asked me a bunch of questions about my eating and drinking and the procedure I was having. That's when I started crying. I'm not gonna lie. I have never been more scared in my life. The nurses were very nice to me and I think she gave me a hug. She took me to my pre op room and gave me two gowns to put on and a warm blanket and some yellow skid socks. 

After a few minutes my pre op nurse came in and talked me down a little and reassured me that I was absolutely going to be fine. She set me up with an IV of saline and then Dr. C, my plastic surgeon, came in. He was so sweet and reassuring. He told me about his first time undergoing surgery on himself and that he's never had major complications with mastectomy procedures. We talked about the size I want to be, and he looked at me quite dubiously like he always does when I say I want my DD to be a large B!  I think he thinks I have no idea what I'm talking about. Oh well. It's the plastic surgeon in him I guess!  He had me sign a consent form and drew on my chest with purple marker. I took a picture after he left. It's my very last boob pic. 

The anesthesiologist came in next. She was really nice and also reassuring. She asked me a lot of questions about what drugs I take, what I have taken in the past, how different drugs make me feel, and whether I'd had surgery before (I hadn't). She said her main priority would be to have me wake up in little to no pain, and with little to no nausea. 

After that, my parents and husband were escorted back. Luckily I had stopped crying by then!  They asked me what had been happening so far and they told me what they'd been up to the last half hour. We just hung out and they were a big help at keeping my mind calm. 

About ten am, Dr. F came to see me. He told me the surgery was going to be great and I would be fine and that I was making a great choice. He was really helpful at making me feel better. A few minutes later, his surgical nurse came in and put a lovely blue puffy hat on my head, placed me in a wheelchair and told my family to follow her to the waiting room. That's when I lost it. I cried all the way to the waiting room, into the elevator, through the hallways of the surgical floor, into the OR. When I got inside, the anesthesiologist was standing at a table that was covered in pillows and blankets, situated under some gigantic round lights. There were techs and nurses gathering supplies and walking around. Dr. F was in a corner getting his tools together, I assume. He said hi to me, and the anesthesiologist told me to come lie down on the table. I cried harder. I remember the surgical nurse guiding me from the wheelchair to the table and laying me down. I was crying really hard. I was so scared!  The anesthesiologist told me I would be fine and that she was putting something in my IV that would calm me down and put a big smile on my face. If there was an oxygen mask, I never saw it. 

The next thing I remember was hearing a tech say, "Did you see her tattoo?  It's so cool!  It says Fight Like a Girl!"  Then I felt someone moving me from the operating table to a gurney. I felt blankets cover me and I felt the sides of the gurney lock into place. Then I was out again. 

I woke up in spurts. I saw the clock each time I woke up and I thought there must be a mistake. Dr. F said I'd get out of surgery around 2:30, and I'd be unaware of what was going on for about an hour. But the clock said 2:20. I found out later that my four and a half hour surgery only took three hours. A nurse was next to me, and I was hooked up to a monitor. She was updating the computer screen that would tell my family in the waiting room that I was awake. I asked her if it was really 2:20, and if I could have something to eat. She asked what I want and I said I'd love a cheeseburger. She laughed. I wasn't joking. I also told her I was really itchy. I felt like I had ants crawling on my face. She told me it was probably a side effect of the dilaudid and she put some Benadryl in my IV and she washed my face with a cold wash cloth. The itchiness went away pretty quickly after that. I felt pretty lucky to not feel nauseous or in pain. I was a little groggy but I think I felt pretty good considering everything I'd just been through!

I tried to look down at my chest but I had layers of blankets covering me and my arms were too weak to lift them off. I could tell I was pretty flat though. The nurse brought me some water, and then a diet coke a few minutes later. After about a half hour my dad and husband came in. They were allowed to stay for ten minutes. I only vaguely remember the conversation, but my husband told me that Dr. F and Dr. C both said I'm very healthy and the surgery went better than expected. I told my husband to smuggle me in a cheeseburger too. 

At about 3:15 a nurse came and wheeled me out of recovery. The room was really large and full of people on gurneys in various stages of post op. We went into an elevator and went to the 14th floor. When we got to my room, my mom, dad, husband, and my new nurse were there waiting for me. My new nurse made me get off the gurney and walk to my bed. I have no idea how I got from the gurney to the bed, but I do remember her making me do it. 

Within the hour, my dad went home, my husband went to pick up our kids to take them home for the night, and my mom was settling down in her recliner bed to spend the night with me. My nurse brought me a turkey sandwich and showed me how to use the bed and the remote, explained my pain management options, showed me my scars and wrinkled boobies, explained my drains and how to care for them, and escorted me to the bathroom. 

Later that night I ate hummus and pretzels, a calzone, and an apple cobbler. I never once felt queasy. I took 5mg of oxycodone for the pain, along with 1000mg of Tylenol. I was able to get out of bed to go to the bathroom, and we took a walk through the hallways in the middle of the night when I was feeling stir crazy. 

The next morning I met an occupational therapist who taught me some extremely painful but useful exercises to do. The nurse from Dr. F's office came to check on me and told me I looked great. I was released by 11:30 am with a prescription for oxycodone and another for an antibiotic. 

That was Friday. Today is Monday. I feel pretty good overall. My drains are doing their jobs, my incisions are healing nicely. I am able to maintain a good attitude and everyone keeps telling me I'm doing better than expected. People have been bringing me dinners which is fantastic. A lot of my "friends" that had disappeared on me still haven't made an appearance. At least I know where we stand now. 

My kids are trying to help too. They're taking it pretty well. My three year old ran around the house yelling, "Mommy's boobies are cut off!  They're cut off!"  My four year old has been helping my mom clean and empty my drains. They're both getting me things when I ask and they want to be my doctors. I'm glad they're taking it so well. I told them I had to get my boobies cut off because they were going to make me sick, and that Grammie had to do it too a long time ago. My oldest daughter asked if she would have to get hers cut off one day too. I told her I hope not. 

So. That was long and now I'm tired. But I'm glad I had the energy to write it. Surgery is more exhausting than I ever thought it would be!  I'll be back soon to update further. I'll hopefully get my drains removed this week and I'll  definitely post about that fun experience!

Thanks for all the thoughts and well wishes!  I'll leave you here with a before and after pic :)