Fundraising!

Recently my mom and I decided that we want to participate in the Avon 2 Day Walk next May.  So if you're feeling generous, please feel free to head over to our GoFundMe page and donate!  Please and thanks :)

Thank You

This is very long overdue, I admit it.  Partly because I was slacking, and partly because the words eluded me.  But here it is.

At the end of 2006, my husband and I decided to try for a baby.  Not having any friends in that same frame of mind, I went online to find a support system.  I stumbled onto a chat board on BabyCenter, and I will forever be grateful that I did.  That day I met the best friends I will ever have.  I call these ladies my BBC girls.  Over the years we have been there for each other, through babies and miscarriages, infidelities, divorces, foreclosures, cross-country moves, family deaths, illnesses and even surgeries.  After a few years on BabyCenter we moved our chats onto a private Facebook group to make it easier to keep in touch.  And we have done exactly that.  I have met a few of these wonderful ladies in person, and some of them have met each other as well.  In fact, one of them is my oldest daughter's Godmother.  I truly love these girls, and I talk to them every day.  They are the best friends I have ever had and I will never be able to thank them enough for being in my life.

As I have mentioned before, I had a very limited support system post-mastectomy, and my BBC girls came to my rescue!  I won't use names, to protect their privacy.  But C organized a system of having meals delivered to me every night to feed my family.  She found an online ordering hub of restaurants and assigned a night to each girl.  They each chose meals for us and paid for them online and had them delivered at our normal dinner time.  It was like Christmas every night, and we were surprised with something yummy and different each night!  It was fun and helped me so very much.  I was unable to cook, obviously, and my husband is not very good at multitasking or domestic duties.  He was the only person here to help, and it was more than he could handle.  These ladies fed us for 10 days after my mom went home.  I was more than 2 weeks post op when the meals stopped coming, and I was able to make simple dinners again by then.  They were a true blessing for those ten days.

By far, this generous act was the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me.  As a wife and mother, it isn't often that people go out of their way to do things for me.  When C first told me that she had organized this, I actually cried.  I was so taken aback at their thoughtfulness and generosity.  To each of them, it was a small act.  They bought dinner for a friend in need.  But to me, it was huge.  A group of ladies, most of whom I have never met in person, provided my family with meals at a time that I was unable to do so.  I want to thank them from the bottom of my heart and I hope they know how much this generous gift touched me and helped me when I truly needed it.

To A: Thank you so very much for going to so much trouble the first night.  I know you jumped through hoops trying to order from one place and then another before it finally worked out!  I appreciate all the effort and time you spent!
To A:  Thank you for not only bringing me dinner, but also for hanging out at my house for two dreadfully boring days!  I am sure I was terrible company, to the point that you even had to get your own drinks!  But I so appreciate you sacrificing your personal time to help me and watch my kids with me, I definitely could not have done those two days without you!
To S: Thanks for sending cake!!!  It was so nice to have dessert, especially the chocolate kind!  And how fun that we got to have cake with you on your birthday!
To M: Thank you so much for ordering such exciting food!  Chicken and waffles is really good, who would have thought?!  You expanded my horizons and allowed me to try something I never would have otherwise, so thanks for putting so much thought into it!
To C:  Thank you, thank you, thank you for organizing this.  And also for somehow knowing that I just needed a salad!
To A: Thank you for everything, checking on me, and for the barbeque chicken (which I recall as being delicious!)  Just having someone to talk to was so helpful!
To D:  Thanks for the pasta!  What excellent comfort food.  You know my weakness ;)

You girls are so awesome.  You have been an excellent sounding board for me, a wonderful support system, great listeners and true friends.  You let me complain, ask questions, vent, get upset, and you never judge.  You all checked on me, sent me food and gifts and kind thoughts post surgery.  I've wanted to write this for a long time now, because I want to make sure you all know how much I truly appreciate and love you all!  THANK YOU!!

Dr. C Follow Up

So I saw Dr. C today.  He says that I am healing beautifully.  He was really impressed with my lack of scar tissue, so apparently my boobie massages were effective haha!  He also told me that I am cleared for any and all activity, so I am free to do aerobics, run, whatever.  Now to build up strength!  I refuse to have a weak upper body the rest of my life!

He also told me that I am allowed to go ahead with my tattoo whenever I'm ready.  I know I discussed this previously, but I finally decided on my tattoos.  I think.  Ha!  I am not getting the henna flowers in place of nipples.  Instead I decided to get a huge cherry tree that comes up my side and branches across the front of one boob, then put a cherry blossom on the other boob.  I think it will look nice and I like the symbolism.  I'm a little freaked out about tattooing over my implants but he assured me that it's done all the time and that they can't puncture my implants.

The best news:  I don't have to go back for a year!  Woohoo!!

I need to bitch a minute...

I know I did this voluntarily.  And I knew the risks and thought long and hard about what my new life would be like.  And its what I pictured.  But all of that doesn't mean that I'm not allowed to bitch about it once in a while.

While I did have a mastectomy voluntarily, I did NOT volunteer to have the breast cancer gene.  I did not volunteer to have an 87% chance of breast cancer.  I did not volunteer to have internal ultrasound scans of my ovaries every six months until the end of eternity.  I did not volunteer to watch my mother battle breast cancer way too young, in her 30s and again in her 40s.  What I volunteered for, was to reduce my cancer risk from 87% to 1%.  I volunteered to give up my vanity and have balloons placed in my chest.  It was not a hard decision, but it was not one I took lightly.  I knew what it would be like.  But that doesn't mean that I'm not allowed to be upset every once in a while.

There have only been a couple of times since May where I have thought that maybe I made a mistake.  But then my children run in from another room to tell me something, and I remember that this was the best possible thing I could do for them.  I don't want my children to watch my hair fall out, or watch me throw up several times a day.  I don't want them to worry that I might die.  I don't want to miss their weddings, proms, first dates, babies.  I had excellent reasons for doing what I did.  I did the right thing.  And even when I think I could have made the wrong decision, I quickly remember that it was the right one.

So please, when I complain about a tiny thing that annoys me, like the fact that my chest is always cold, or that I can't do plank, or that I can't scrub dried food off the kitchen counter because I don't have the muscle strength, or that I can't wear certain tops because my scars show, just let me complain.  I don't do it often.  But I don't need to be reminded that I did this "voluntarily".  As if that takes away my right to be able to be irritated at a side effect on occasion.  Because it doesn't.

Three months post op!

And feeling pretty good!  I was back to driving about 4 days after surgery, and to my surprise and joy, I had no issues lifting my arms or moving this time around.  The scars are longer than I anticipated, and they are still red.  I had hoped they'd be fading by now but I guess it takes time.  Everything feels pretty good though.  I can move and stretch and do most things.  I can't do plank or push ups obviously, and I was just given the all-clear to get back to exercise last month.  So I joined an aerobics class and I'll be getting back to running in the spring.  I'm excited to get stronger.  That's my new years resolution: to get stronger.

I'm feeling good, looking normal (aside from the scars and lack of nipples!), and living a normal life.  My doctors appointments are tapering off finally, so that's nice.  I have to see Dr C every 6 months for the first year and Dr F once a year from here on out.  I still will see Dr I (the gyno onco) every six months and get my ultrasounds and CA-125 tests every year until I decide to remove my ovaries, but we spoke and decided it would be in my best interest to wait until I'm at least 40.  I'm happy with that decision.

I'm also working on my mastectomy tattoo, which I am keeping a secret until I do it.  But I have it sketched out in my mind and I am really excited about it.  I have to get the go-ahead from Dr C first though.

I'm really happy with my decisions.  I saved my own life, and I eliminated my breast cancer risk.  This whole process was much easier than I feared it would be, and it already has just become a blip in my huge life.  I will think about it every day, as my breasts feel different and I see my scars.  But I am proud of them.  I earned them.